So I Can Finally Fit Into Something

Note to my followers:

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 18:54:10 -0500

If any of you pay attention to my blog, you will notice I have been posting a lot of writing and not the usual inspirational pictures. Normally, I try to keep my blog healthy and positive because I know many younger girls are on tumblr. Having a younger sister myself, I try to set a good example. I am not mentally well. I am very sick and in dire need of psychological help. I nearly killed myself this weekend because of my disorder. It was unintentional. I do not want to commit suicide but I have let my mental state overpower my concern for my own safety/health. I am not pro-ana/mia/ed. I let my frustration with myself get out of control and I made a very melodramatic post which someone, rather harshly, pointed out was stupid. I hate the way I’ve let my blog become. I’m trying to seek health. I apologize.

I’m never touching a laxative again. I thought I was going to die.

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 12:01:09 -0500

I’m never touching a laxative again. I thought I was going to die.

So I broke my liquid fast last night.

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:46:53 -0500

I ate about 100 calories worth of potatoes, a few spoon fulls of low-fat vanilla pudding, and a TON of wheat crackers with organic pb&j.

I was so scared my mini-binge would make me gain. Plus I got less than 3 hours of sleep (I always seem to weigh less when I’m well rested).

I weighed the same. So I’m kind of pleased.

I’m going to try to have mostly liquid meals and some solid snacks. I don’t know. Nothing too extreme. There’s another theatre major who suffered with ED’s too and she gave me great advice and inspired me. So I’m going to try to workout a little bit everyday/every other day. I need to make time for me! Even if that means no more silent movies on netflix.

heycaliforniawaiting: just ordered this bikini :)))) WHERE CAN...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 19:48:30 -0500

heycaliforniawaiting:

just ordered this bikini :))))

WHERE CAN YOU GET THIS? I NEED THIS FOR THE BEACH IN LIKE A MONTH TO HIDE MY STRETCH MARKS!!!!!!

I really wish I could talk to someone about this.

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:18:58 -0500

Someone please give me advice. I don't know if I should break my liquid diet or keep doing it.

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:14:30 -0500

To berrymint and to anyone else willing to give advice:

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 18:07:15 -0500

I haven’t been on tumblr in a long time and a lot of stuff has gone down since.

At the end of last semester I was finally starting to get into shape. I weighed 135-138 pounds because I worked out everyday really hard. I also ate only oatmeal, protein bars, and salads. I had lots of free time because I only took on 13 credits.

I went home for winter break and in the span of a month I managed to gain 10lbs. My face broke out terribly because I guess campus food is organic and my home food isn’t. It was awful.

Also while I was home I got prescribed Adderall for my concentration issues. It works wonderfully. It supresses my apetite so I don’t stress eat. And trust me, with 18 credits this semester, I am stressed to the max. It also helps with my depression that I’ve been dealing with my entire life. It makes me feel less socially, awkward, fat, and sloth. Instead it helps me focus on things other than my weight and it makes me feel alert and confident. The only problem is I need a higher dosage and my mom wont refill my prescription. I use it more than I should on weekdays and don’t use any on the weekends which makes me go into hibernation mode and doesn’t let me finish my home work.

Anyway, this semester I am taking on 18 credits which is technically course overload. I had to get my advisor to sign a form saying that I am allowed to take these many credits. I am also a theatre major so I have to put in hours for productions. I work 3 hours on monday and wednesday in costume shop. I’m also in singing lessons. I have no time for the gym. I don’t know what to do. I need to lose weight but I don’t have time to exercise. I don’t even have time to sleep. I have to read a play every day in my modern american drama class plus copious ammounts of homework in other classes.

I need to lose weight because in a month I am going to California. I have this notion that all the residents of LA look like Katy Perry and Barbie and I am going to go there thinking I’m fat and gross. I don’t have time for exercise so I’ve been on a liquid diet to help me drop weight. I’m drinking protein/meal shakes which still have calories, protein, fats, and vitamins. I know it’s probably all water weight and that it’s not the same as eating. I know that as soon as I eat I’m going to gain it all back.

I don’t know what to do. I’m so desperate to lose but I don’t want to revert to my unhealthy weight loss habits.

Eating is so hard in college.

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 16:51:44 -0500

On the weekends only the dining hall is open and it’s an all you can eat buffet with everything. Sure they have a salad station but it’s in the middle of pizza, fries, ice cream, cookies, cake, bread, cheese, and everything else that I can’t eat. It’s so tempting and you can eat everything.
I’m trying to stay on a liquid diet but I feel like I’m dying. I feel so depressed because my adderall is running low and it’s the only thing that makes me happy. I need coffee but java city is closed.
I’m losing my mind. But I’ll be fine when I take my pills tomorrow for school.

skinnyminibaby: I decided to do a giveaway to one of my...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 01:41:17 -0500

skinnyminibaby:

I decided to do a giveaway to one of my wonderful followers! I will be choosing a winner on February 27th. There are a few rules.

You MUST be following me, because I will check!

Reblog’s only, I will not count likes

You can reblog upto 10 times (:

Do not change the source.

Things Included are as follows: 1 pair of Dereon jeans by Beyonce size 1/2.

Wired Bustier style flower printed shirt from Urban Behaviour Size Medium

White Long flower printed tank with lace sides. Street Wear Society Small

Mint Colored Striped Crop Top, Forever 21. Size small

Blue Flower print crop top, Garage? Size small

Black Jumper with light roses on it, From garage I believe, Size Small/Medium

Black Lace Leggings, Street Wear Society, Size Small

Two Necklaces both from the U.S

“Love Ring” From Aldo

These items are being givenaway because I haven’t worn any of them more than once.. So message me with any questions! Happy Reblogging x

Photo

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 01:11:36 -0500

Worst mistake ever:

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 00:19:01 -0500

So I read online that brief fasting can have certain health benefits and that it’s not dangerous as long as it is short. I am sooooooooooo busy because I took on 18 credits this semester at my university. I didn’t have any time for exercise and I’ve only been to the gym once so far. I haven’t eaten solids since Thursday morning and that was just a “zone” protein bar. I even bought peppermint green tea and potassium supplements to keep my heart healthy.

I’ve thrown up bile and I’ve been so nauseous. I read after the third day the hunger and pain goes away and energy levels rise. It’s not worth it. I’ve been bedridden all day. I feel comatose.

I ate tons of crackers, two packets of honey and some pepto bismal.

I feel sooooo much better instantly. I feel like a failure. I don’t know how to lose weight. I don’t have any free time.

Can someone help? Give me advice?

Wow I really like you blog!! I was hoping you could check out mine as well? They're pretty similar so I'm hoping you'll like it!! X

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 00:01:24 -0500

Yes! Of course! Thanks. I’m sorry I haven’t been on in a while!!!

I always thought Ive always been mature and responsible...

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 23:58:28 -0500

Until I starting falling down the steps squishing little frat boys, throwing up on some girl’s couch, and started belligerently suggesting that people become vegetarian.

I've been invited to four parties so far and it's only day three of the semester. I was NEVER invited to them in high school.

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:30:59 -0500

Maybe I’m just cuter now.

So I've lost 5lbs since Tuesday. It's only water weight, but, it's still nice to see.

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 11:55:05 -0500

Photo

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:33:58 -0500

Can't wait to hit the gym tomorrow!! :)

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:30:27 -0500

SO PUMPED!

Adderal definitely helped me with emotional eating today.

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:21:41 -0500

I did so well on my diet. I’m going to lose weight in no time.

Didn’t get to hit the gym because I had to buy all my text books today and then some kid at the computer lab wanted to hangout.

Made a new friend but didn’t exercise. Boo!

friendlyatheist: Heck. Some have mustaches and some...

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 12:38:50 -0500

friendlyatheist:

Heck. Some have mustaches and some don’t.

AMEN!

Honestly you are beautiful

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 12:31:47 -0500

Thank you so much! This means a lot to me because I’m so insecure.